A Cataclysmic Change of Heart

The Eagles' Nest, the Women of the Rathskeller Inn

CHAPTER 8

Love Hurts

My mother’s heart was at the core of her strength. It beat for everyone and hoped for everything. She loved without exception, so much so that it often silenced her instincts. Instincts that would have guided her to safety had she listened to them. But she was not a victim in any way. Not a victim of her circumstances or of the people she loved, who often underestimated her and treated her horribly. To think so would be a mistake, a misconception. But she was blinded by her love, always determined to trust while simultaneously attempting to make her way. When things went to hell, it was her fury that saved her. In 1961, her fury would change the course of history for all of us.

Years later, she had many melancholic moments, filled with a long list of ‘what ifs.”

What if her grandfather had not died unexpectedly? What if her father had not been consumed with alcoholism and rage? What if she had not eloped at seventeen? What if she and Doug had stayed in St. Regis? But in the world of facts, none of that mattered. On one fateful night, everything changed, and we moved to Coeur d’Alene in the winter of 1960. Why Coeur d’Alene? Because more than anywhere else in the world, mom loved the city by the lake wholeheartedly.

Had my parents’ marriage been stable and loving, Coeur d’Alene would never have become our home. Had that occurred, the Rathskeller Inn would never have existed.

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Jackie and Doug sold the home Doug built in St. Regis in 1959. Upon hammering the last nail and laying the final linoleum square in the kitchen, a virtual prison door slammed shut on him. At 31, he was depressed and unhappy, feeling life was passing him by. He wanted to have his head and hands up in an airplane's belly, not spending his days in a mill full of sawdust. He was only comfortable if his hands were greasy. He yearned for freedom from the small, mundane life he had grown accustomed to. He longed to taste all that life had to offer.

On the other hand, Jackie only wanted a secure, everyday life. Living around family was challenging, but Jackie was content in St. Regis and loved her new home. She felt she and Doug had finally found a balance in their relationship and the life they were building together. It was all she had ever hoped for.

Desperate and frustrated, Doug managed to convince Jackie to sell their lovely home. He had applied for a job as a mechanic with Boeing in Seattle and felt it was his big chance to do what he loved. To maintain stability for their daughters’ sake, he suggested Jackie move with their daughters into Ann’s home in Wallace. Once settled in Washington with a house near schools for the girls, he promised to send for them. His reasoning to provide stability for the family appealed to Jackie, and she agreed.

Leaving his wife and daughters behind would prove to be a mistake, one that would portend the beginning of the extended, drawn-out ending of his and Jackie’s marriage.

Jackie and their daughters lived with Ann for a year. The word divorce had not been uttered, but the writing was on the wall. The separation from each other was like a flower without sun or water; the bloom of romance Doug and Jackie felt as teens was fading fast. Beneath its surface were years of struggle and heartbreak, a dormant but active volcano waiting to erupt. Ann suggested as much, and on the advice of her mother, Jackie threatened Doug with divorce if he didn’t commit to their marriage.

Doug capitulated. He never wanted to be the bad guy, the person people pointed to and blamed for destroying their marriage. But after a year of living a bachelor’s life with all the freedom that false status afforded him, he no longer wanted marriage either. Jackie suspected that this may have motivated his slothful attempts to create a home for his family. Conflicted, she would sit on the floor beside her treasure chest of hope, looking through collected memories of things she had saved over the years. When her hope drained and she became overwhelmed, she simply closed the lid of her treasure chest, walked away, and waited.

The couple's inability to confront the reality of their relationship and the social and religious stigmatizing effect of divorce forced their hand. Unhappy to give up his freedom, Doug sent for them. It would prove to be a deeply sorrowful mistake for Jackie and their daughters.

Settling in Ephrata, Jackie found a job as a waitress in a downtown restaurant. The two may have been physically together, but they were not emotionally or mentally united. Now it was Jackie who was deeply depressed and angry for reasons her daughters could not understand. Life was hard. Doug was distant and withdrawn. Attempting to put some fun back into their marriage, Doug arranged for a double-date night with his best friend, Ray.

Stock photo

Life came crashing down in a smoky honkytonk bar on a winter night in 1960, with the jukebox playing country love songs and a small dance floor filled with couples. An unanticipated and very unwelcome surprise waited for Jackie and Doug when they entered the tavern. This would not be the last wake-up call for Jackie. Years later, there would be a second catalytic event between them involving a Fudgsicle … but that is for a later telling.

Ray had arrived earlier with his date, who happened to be Doug’s mistress. The couple was snuggled in close, laughing and sharing an intimate moment, when they looked up and saw Doug and Jackie approaching the table. Jackie immediately registered Doug’s body language as he tensed up, his face becoming ashen and his mood darkening. Concerned, she asked Doug, “Are you okay?” as they walked toward them. It soon became apparent that Doug was not at all okay. Jackie soon realized she was on the outside looking in while everyone around her knew the truth.

Ray was in love with Doug’s mistress. When he agreed to meet Doug and Jackie that evening, his sole goal was to expose the affair. Ray wanted to marry the woman, and eventually, he did.

A blindingly hot lightning bolt struck Jackie's heart in the middle of a crowded barroom when she realized what was happening. Not only was it apparent she had entered the lion’s den, but unassuming strangers also surrounded her. She stood alone in hopeful nakedness, feeling deep and painful humiliation. Some might say Ray was cruel for how he exposed the affair in public, for the little concern he had shown Jackie for pulling such a stunt. But it was necessary. It was highly likely Doug would have continued the affair until he either tired of it or was caught.

There may have been some awkward and unpleasant moments at the bar. Neither Doug nor Jackie was prone to public outbursts like her sister Lolly. But the neighbors would hear the slamming of car doors and screaming matches once they arrived home later that night. Their fights had always been intense, but that night was especially volatile and ugly. Their amplified anger was ear-splitting as they blamed each other for their failing marriage. It was terrifying for their daughters, who huddled together in a tight ball in another room.

Soon thereafter, Jackie packed up her life and her girls and moved to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, a place she had envisioned living in for years. She loved the area, but more importantly, there she could begin anew. She had no interest in returning to Wallace, where she may have to face the inevitable, cruel whispers about her failed marriage. She needed to live free of her past and her mistakes anonymously. She was ready to move on with her life. She would find a way to take care of herself and her daughters. She hoped that in Coeur d’Alene, her life would find the happiness she longed for.

Her deep love for the town would be the only lasting love affair to ever bring her happiness. Its surrounding natural landscape and the lake she called her own held her close in ways that the people in her life had failed to do. Seasons came and seasons went, but the mountains and the incredible lake were a faithful and healing salve for her broken heart. Here, she felt loved by the land and eventually, by the people who lived there. She found peace in the company of its natural splendor. In the winter of 1961, after the fallout of her marriage, Coeur d’Alene became her forever home. She would leave at different times but would always return.

Doug, feeling the weight of his guilt, purchased a small house for Jackie and his daughters in a quiet neighborhood within walking distance of the downtown area. Jackie arrived with little and settled in. She took a position at the Brunswick Café on Main Street. She walked to work without a car, and the girls walked to their schools. She enrolled her daughters in school, her oldest in junior high and her youngest in grade school. She was happy to be earning $0.84 an hour, plus tips, working as a waitress. At least she had her own life, which was enough for the moment. She would get by on her own. She was not about to ask Doug for additional financial help.

Jackie and Doug made peace with their circumstances, each living in separate states. Lolly and her newly acquired love interest, Norm Goss, began to date seriously, despite being married to someone else.

Ann, who remained in Wallace, watched from afar. Now retired from her work as a bookkeeper, at 61, she was hardly ready for a rocking chair retirement. Unsure of what to do or how to proceed, she still hoped to be useful and looked forward to an unknown future with a life of purpose. She was far from done. And as always, the welfare of her daughters was to be considered.

The Lake Cabin

In the late spring of 1961, the family (including Doug) arrived for a holiday at Ann’s Lake cabin. She had purchased it a few years earlier during an annual summer vacation spent at Arrowhead Lake Resort. The old log cabin was cozy and filled with antiques from the previous owner. It overlooked a peaceful bay, offering the family a chance to escape the onerous responsibilities of daily life. Ann owned it outright. It provided a full summer retreat on the lake for family and friends, versus a two-week stint at the resort.

Everyone got along well that spring. With the events of the affair and the past behind them, there was no drama or infighting, only daytime swims, late-night card games, and ghost stories. Under the spell of shimmering stars in that peaceful retreat, the family decided to open a business together. Coeur d’Alene seemed like the perfect place for everyone to start a new life.

Jackie already lived there. The potential for a family business seemed more viable in a town known for its tourist trade than in the smaller town of Wallace. Jackie wanted the family to open a malt shop, and she wanted to call it The Huddle. It was a wholesome idea easily supported. The concept of catering to young adults and serving burgers, ice cream, and sodas felt refreshing and wholesome.

Being their own boss was extremely appealing, while combining resources would make an investment more doable. Starting their own business could provide security and stability. Ironically, it would (only temporarily) bring Doug back into the fold. A location was secured, a house was purchased, and all plans went forward. The Huddle became a reality.

The Huddle failed within a few short months.

When it did, Ann suggested her dream of having a beer garden patterned after pubs in Germany. Applying for and getting a liquor license to sell hard drinks in Idaho would take years, and the family could not financially afford delays. No hard liquor, just foaming golden beer instead of root beer. The waiting time for a beer license was minimal and easy to get if the venue was also a restaurant. They already had a fully equipped commercial kitchen.

They decided to add pizzas to the hamburgers and french fry menu. A pizza oven was installed. Soda taps were removed and replaced with beer taps, and the soda counter was replaced with a stand-up bar complete with bar stools. With the help of friends and family, the opening was announced, and the beer garden took its first breath of life.

Alcohol might have caused the family pain in the past, but now it might save them. It proved to be the right choice. It became the miracle they hoped for. It became The Rathskeller Inn.